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“And as the last drop of blood fell to the Earth,” it is written, “Josiah declared the man finally worthy of entering the city [of Jerusalem].” Let this melt in your mind, not in the sand, for truer words have never been more potent. The scent of a fresh cut flower for the Mayor of a small town. The tipping of scales, one side gold, the other brisket. Tears shed for a dowry just not quite there yet. Leather bound suede. Argentinian cafes swarming with men of high stature exchanging pesos. Uranium coated credit cards with astronomical interest rates. A man who slays dragons while making an omelet. Every day, we see it in many shapes, sizes, creeds, credence, and clear waters. Let Minutiæ show it to you with articles, journalistic exploits, exquisite art and magnificent colors in Worth.

Every day we let our governesses step down to pursue a lifetime of glad handing and baby patting in Hollywood, if that place is not just an invention of the Hollywood Elite. Did I say that? Are they to blame for our current economic and cultural tumbling? And, are we ignoring the obvious? IS THIS COUNTRY LOSING ITS VALUES?

Where do the train tracks run afoul? Let’s just consider how difficult it would be to reorder the letters in Helsinki to read Pakistan. Is it possible? I didn’t make any claims. I don’t want to weigh down our national pride with burdens of proof. No, I am just a concerned member of this Union. I am a Minuteman on the forefront of keeping ourselves above water. And who is draining that faucet? Is it the Ron Paul Jihadists? I didn’t say that. I’m just asking the questions.

What I am saying is that the truth is layered like double-ply. Are there rumors of Ron Paul and his fundamentalists infiltrating YouTube? Could there be rumors as to that fact? In a simpler world, we would not need to pose these questions, but we cannot sit at home and wonder if the next Ron Paul is going to be YouTube. Is YouTube a member of the Underground Bourgeois? I didn’t say that, but let’s suppose that fact is truth. The rabbit hole opens wider. Follow.

When was the last time you saw quinoa being put on your sandwiches at Subway? How many terrorist cells exchange messages at farmers’ markets? Is that Jihadist serving you an apple? By extension, is the witch in Snow White a high ranking member of Al-Qaeda? If so, are the seven dwarfs the Coalition and the princess herself the helpless Afghani people? Along the same lines, did Walt Disney have access to a crystal ball or a set of highly tuned convex lenses that allowed him to peer into the future and inject what he saw into the 1937 animated classic? Is Dumbo Mr. Disney’s warning of the homosexual elite’s plans to eradicate the Republican party?

I didn’t say that, but it’s your Second Thought. ✦

You may wonder, as someone who is no stranger to theft or heist, the global financial could negatively affect Dr. Cyclone, the most reviled villain of the UN? The materials for my many doomsday devices or the highly reflective cloth for my henchman are produced on a very grand scale. When people are laid off from their jobs, it means they are spending less, thus fewer goods are made and fewer parts are produced. Bottom line being I can’t get any damn transistors anymore, and damn it if the cost of cleaning agents for the pool that houses hyper-intelligent death-dolphins went up three thousand percent. Three thousand percent! That’s insanity. It makes me want to kill even more!

Air travel has also taken a huge hit in the past decade and it’s all culminating now. I can’t send my right hand man Reggie “Fist Twist” Yorkova to drug any super spies anymore throughout Europe. I miss the 90s when I could snap my fingers at dinner and have a CIA agent laying under a laser beam the next morning. Now it costs an arm and a leg just to check a bag, and Jesus if Fist Twist can get more than three ounces of ether through security anymore. I mean, yeah, he can buy it in Croatia, but I might as well flush money down the toilet. We’ve got nothing to do.

I’m evil, but I’m not a dick. Let me be clear: I’ve had to let go half my workforce off and I feel terrible about it. They were alright people, and now I look like a jackass making my own coffee in the morning. I truly resemble a goddamn jackass sitting in the break room with a needs-to-be-dry-cleaned black velvet cape waiting for some damn Foldgers to brew. A goddamn jackass. These cut backs are killing me. I have an image to maintain.

On top of all this, it is costing me a fortune to maintain this highly reflective dome lair. I used to have a few guys in here every morning to polish and dust, but now I’ve got some dumpy woman coming in a few days a week, maybe, incompetently leaving marks everywhere. I mean, for Christ’s sake, I’ve had to monitor my electricity usage, and you know the first thing to suffer are the rows of insanely fast spinning razors that slowly inch closer to my enemies as I carefully reveal my motivations. You know how threatening it is to see Dr. Cyclone in mittens because Dr. Cyclone can’t afford his goddamn subterranean Siberian heating bill? Not very. There is no fucking insulation in this underground dome. It’s like we built right under a pocket of fucking nothing!

Though, not everything is bad. Usually, I’m stuck with some bottom-feeders for henchmen, but with all of these high level managers getting laid off, I have a former CEO of Wachovia Bank in charge of security holdings and acid application. And I do appreciate actually getting my hands dirty again. I had forgotten why I got into this super villain business to begin with. I’m writing my own before-death rants again and it feels great, and you can tell that the old school guys, like secret ops, they really appreciate that hand made touch.

Lastly — ah, damn it, this satellite is costing me like 30 bucks a minute. Never mind. ✦

I just moved to a new town and don’t know anyone. What’s the best way to meet people and make new friends?

Don’t worry—it seems harder than it is to meet potential new friends (and single men) in your area.
The easiest way is to try new hobbies! You could join an intramural sports team, take tango lessons, or take an art class. There’s nothing better to fill empty shelves in a new condo than your own pottery. Having common interests makes conversations – and relationships – easy to start.

I just turned 40 and I’ve been feeling really down about myself. I feel like I’ve done nothing with my life. What advice do you have for someone in my position?

Remember that you are your own grain of sand in the great beach of the universe. You are just as important as your boss, your neighbors, or your ex-husband’s new wife.
When I’m not feeling my best, I like to work on my Vision Board (See Chapter 16 of my book Winning Alone). I go through my old copies of Marie Claire and USA Today and cut out pictures that represent the future I want to have. I paste them on my bulletin board and just sit back, looking at the great years that are yet to come!

Speaking of your future plans, I hear you’re going to lead a local Girl Scout Troop.

I guess good news travels fast! Indeed, a few months ago I submitted my application to theGirl Scouts of America Council of Tropical Florida, Inc. I haven’t heard back yet — the council and I have been playing a never ending game of phone tag — but I’m fully confident that very soon I will be helping girls to achieve their full potential!

That’s weird, because one of my friends heard back a few days after she applied.

Well, your friend must have had some sort of “in” with the council. I’m overqualified if anything! I’m sure it’s just taken them four months to find the perfect spot for me.
But, you’re right, it is weird that no one has acknowledged my calls, emails, or Edible Arrangements… I can’t argue with you there. But, come on, we’re all busy, right?
There’s no way they would reject me. I’m a catch by anyone’s standards. I have so much time to commit to those girls. To teach them not to make the same mistakes I did, like drinking schnapps at prom or marrying too young. I’m a published author, for crying out loud! Someone at the Girl Scout Council should be reading this, because I am a catch!
Seriously, though, if you are reading this, call me back. My number’s on those embroidered goose feather pillows I sent you in January. ✦

Covering the hot topics from the world of worth through writing and imagery (and the rare combination of the two), this issue promises to be the most recent one we’ve ever done!