Minutiæ



Fairness1.70

Skill Games — Cluedo

by

For Hasbro’s 1977 UK-only release Clue­do: Mas­ters Edi­tion, the man­u­fac­tur­er includ­ed a small, unti­tled leather-bound hand­book. The detailed adden­dum pro­vides the most ardent Clue­do fans with painstak­ing­ly descrip­tive infor­ma­tion regard­ing the par­tic­u­lars of the game. It is unknown how many copies of the hand­book exist, but at a recent auc­tion by Sothe­bys one copy sold for £450,000.

Char­ac­ters

Colonel Lance Bri­wyck Mus­tard III, “Colonel Mus­tard” (16 Octo­ber 1910 — ??) is a British colo­nial­ist and wealthy tea mag­nate. Born in pover­ty-strick­en Wits­ford­shire, he was the son to a pair of pro­fes­sion­al pup­peteers, Moraine and Lance­ly Mus­tard.

Colonel Mus­tard earned his wealth as an ivory trad­er on Africa’s Ivory Coast. He would lat­er found the North­west­ern Indo-Chi­no Tea Com­pa­ny in the Xishuang Pre­fec­ture of China’s Hunan Province. Colonel Mus­tard has a strong pen­chant for Zhenghe Gong­fu black tea, which is the company’s biggest com­mer­cial suc­cess to date.

Lead poi­soned from his tea-addict­ed youth, Colonel Mus­tard is prone to extreme day ter­rors. These usu­al­ly come in the form of close friends mor­ph­ing into ancient Mughal pirates attempt­ing to seize his ship. The Colonel is four feet tall.

Pro­fes­sor Ken­neth Plum, for­mer­ly known as Asso­ciate Pro­fes­sor Ken­neth Ng, “Pro­fes­sor Plum” (16 July 1923 — ??) is a famed Cana­di­an arche­ol­o­gist with a spe­cial­iza­tion in Nean­derthal stud­ies. Born in Gan­der, he matured beside the shad­ows of large machines. His father, Per­ry Plum, patent­ed the process for mar­garine-mak­ing in Cana­da by com­bin­ing whale, seal, and fish oil. As a result of fumes from the mar­garine pro­duc­tion, Pro­fes­sor Plum’s body radi­ates a pun­gent fishy smell.

Edu­cat­ed at Masaryk Uni­ver­si­ty in the Czech Repub­lic, he grad­u­at­ed first in class and went on to uncov­er a Nean­derthal bur­ial ground in the Croa­t­ian wilder­ness. Short­ly there­after, he fell in love with fel­low Asso­ciate Pro­fes­sor Bet­ty Ng and mar­ried her. He legal­ly changed his name to Ken­neth Ng in 1954, which last­ed until the couple’s divorce in 1956. Pro­fes­sor Plum is the recip­i­ent of the 1959 Iron­shard Award for Great­est Ini­tia­tive in Nean­derthal Exca­va­tion.

The Pro­fes­sor hunts quail, and owns sev­er­al antique guns. He is an avid fan of the Swedish band ABBA.

Shan­non Rose Pea­cock, “Mrs. Pea­cock” (2 Jan­u­ary 1914 — ??) is a British socialite and actress. Her grand­fa­ther Arthur Pea­cock was a wealthy Purg­ing Buck­thorn tree farmer who passed on a sig­nif­i­cant inher­i­tance to his chil­dren. Miss Pea­cock grew up as a young heiress in South Lon­don and was deemed by many par­ents in the neigh­bor­hood as a “psy­chot­ic lunatic.”

In 1936, Miss Pea­cock received her Fine Arts degree at Swin­ney­wine Uni­ver­si­ty. After grad­u­at­ing, she land­ed the infa­mous role of Lan­g­ly the Slag in Look Who’s All Gussied Up? (1937) which gar­nered unfa­vor­able reviews for her por­tray­al of a bois­ter­ous and racial­ly-insen­si­tive pros­ti­tute. Miss Pea­cock would enjoy per­form­ing in small­er roles through­out the rest of her career.

While doing voiceover work as a Mary the Quill Slag in the ani­mat­ed chil­dren series Par­lia­men­tary Par­ty (1939), Miss Pea­cock met her first hus­band Duke Prince Kings­ley, then a guest on the pro­gram.

Mrs. Peacock’s roman­tic exploits have caught the eyes of the British author­i­ties in recent years: all eight of her for­mer hus­bands have died of drown­ing acci­dents, and all were Dukes.

Rooms

Con­ser­va­to­ry (4 March 1968 — ??) is a for­mer “sun­room” stripped of its love­ly curved win­dows in ear­ly 1968. Retro­fit­ted with almond-col­ored shag car­pet and lava lamps, the beau­ti­ful room is a shell of its for­mer self.

Guests rou­tine­ly com­plain about the smell of opi­um and body sweat seep­ing from the walls.

Study (4 March 1968 — ??) is a pri­vate and per­son­al room locat­ed in the east wing of the home. Over­whelmed by the accom­plish­ments of its broth­er, the Library, the Study acts a haven for homo­sex­u­als and the illit­er­ate class.

Its dim­ly-lit ambiance pro­vides the per­fect set­ting for illic­it hap­pen­ings.

Library (4 March 1968 — ??) is a very pop­u­lar and well-known room made of ancient rose­wood.

The Library is a 1968 & 1970 Bound­ed Pages award-win­ner for the Grand­est Library in the World. It has been used in sev­er­al pop­u­lar British films — Please Mur­der Me (1968), Filthy Drifter (1974), and the upcom­ing The Mup­pet Movie with a sched­uled release of Spring 1979.

The room has been wit­ness to sev­er­al neck­less chil­dren who appear as ghosts. These ghosts often chase after young women who they con­tend are their mum­mies. The residence’s own­er vehe­ment­ly denies the accu­sa­tions and the facil­i­ty con­tin­ues to oper­ate in a pro­fes­sion­al man­ner.

Cel­lar with enve­lope (4 March 1968 — ??) is a mys­te­ri­ous room pri­mar­i­ly occu­pied by a large enve­lope with unknown contents. The enve­lope is a pri­vate mat­ter, with no inten­tion of enter­tain­ing solic­i­tors.

Accord­ing to guests, the walls are con­stant­ly drip­ping with fresh blood.

Objects

Lead Pipe (12 June 1973 — ??) is an object that trans­fers liq­uids and solids, and appears in such house­hold items as sinks and tubs. The lead pipe was pri­mar­i­ly used in the toi­let of the res­i­dence until it was lat­er dis­as­sem­bled.

At present day, the lead pipe resides in the Con­ser­va­to­ry hid­den amongst a pile of cop­per pipes.

Rope (6 August 1976 — ??) is a strand of fibers that are braid­ed togeth­er to improve lever­age and strength. The rope was man­u­fac­tured in Mid­dle Essex, Eng­land by the Mon­ty Cor­po­ra­tion.

Pri­mar­i­ly used for sails, it is now used in con­junc­tion with drapes in the Study.

Dag­ger (3 Feb­ru­ary 1970 — ??) is an ancient weapon with a sharp point and made of met­al. It is used for stab­bing and thrust­ing.

Until recent­ly, it resided inside the enve­lope in the Cel­lar; how­ev­er, its where­abouts are cur­rent­ly unknown.

Can­dle­stick (1 March 1964 — ??) is a brass instru­ment designed to hold can­dles atop a man­tel­piece or a din­ing table. It is less gaudy than its rel­a­tive, the can­de­labra. The can­dle­stick was first pur­chased in a Dillard’s depart­ment store in upstate Ohio in the 1960’s, suf­fer­ing at cre­ation from a crooked base.

It is four inch­es tall.