Minutiæ

Susan Alan-Wenswick is a pro­lif­ic Life Spe­cial­ist, work­ing in the metro Mia­mi area. She has writ­ten sev­er­al books, includ­ing most recent­ly Young Teach­ers: What We Can Learn From Our KIDS?!

I recent­ly went through a rough divorce with my hus­band who I mar­ried right out of col­lege, and am start­ing to rebuild my life. I’m going at my own pace, but my fam­i­ly is con­stant­ly on my back for not just mov­ing on. How can I let my fam­i­ly know that I need time to start again?

I recent­ly learned a term, it’s called ‘haters’. For­get the haters. Friends can be haters. Fam­i­ly mem­bers can be haters. Heck, some­times even the voice inside your head can be a hater. For­get about haters. You take the time to rebuild your life, and when your moth­er comes to you and says “get off the couch and out of those sweats,” you just say “I’m for­get­ting the hate.” This can hap­pen if you go for divorce or to child cus­tody lawyers, or any­thing that you feel is good for you. And I applaud you for tak­ing civ­il legal action to remove your­self from what I can only assume was a mar­riage that just was­n’t right.

I am a recent col­lege grad­u­ate and I am feel­ing a lot of pres­sure from my father to move back home and take over the fam­i­ly busi­ness. But I real­ly want to try being a chef in New York City. What do I do?

Your father is obvi­ous­ly a hater. And what do we do with haters? We for­get them. We for­get their hate, remem­ber their love, and keep in mind their respect. That’s how we deal with haters. You go to New York City and fol­low your dream. Dear Lord, you are so young! You have your whole life ahead of you. So young. You are so. Very. Young.

Ma’am, this is Lar­ry from Burg­er Land Legal Affairs. I am sor­ry to say that we hold no respon­si­bil­i­ty for the unfor­tu­nate acci­dent that hap­pened to you after you left our Glade­view Loca­tion. Because it was off our prop­er­ty, we sug­gest you con­tact the City of Mia­mi. We hope your head has healed.

Hater alert! Hater alert! Haters are going to con­tin­ue to be haters. No “big­gly.” Yes, Lar­ry, my head has healed (aside from a div­ot). A series of events led to me knock­ing my head into a lamp post out­side a Burg­er Land after being denied ser­vice because the coupons that had been gift­ed to me by a friend for tar­ring her dri­ve­way were coun­ter­feit and home­made. But, no mat­ter, the whole expe­ri­ence of research­ing civ­il law­suits at the library has made me a stronger, more inde­pen­dent woman.

Hi, Susan, this is Kevin from Judge Pat­ter­son­’s office. He is throw­ing out your case against the City of Mia­mi. You have no legal ground to sue the city for slip­ping on canine fecal mat­ter out­side the Glade­view Burg­er Land, knock­ing your head into a lamp post and pass­ing out.

It seems like we have anoth­er hater here, but it does­n’t mat­ter. This whole expe­ri­ence has made me a stronger woman. I hope every young woman out there spends a night uncon­scious on a side­walk on top of a pile of dog poop, because it has made me stronger. That lamp post, that side­walk, and that pile of dog poop, they are all haters. And haters are a can­cer. But there is a cure for can­cer: for­get­ful­ness. For­get­ting haters. Haters are going to con­tin­u­ous­ly be in a state of hat­ing. Once you for­get the haters, then you can blos­som into a strong, inde­pen­dent woman.♦