by Danny Cohen
Allow me for a minute, thank you, to present you with the glaring headline of the forthcoming decade: “MAN IS FATTER.” Yes, people of this nation, even amidst talk of lattÃ© wraps and composted fiber, we continue to stack burger patties upon burger patties in the indulgence of flavor, calories and the degradation of humanity. Looking back to look ever forward, it is easy to see how since the late 20th century our bellies have become weighted down.
Inspection begins with the McDonaldsization of our eating habits. Stuffing gob after gob of nutrionless-macrocaloric-slothincuditionary “food” has led us here. (Furthermore, in this opinionated-editorial, I will put the agro-advertising-industrial complex on trial) Consider, yes, for just a moment, of course, that if you were to take 20%, just 20% of the remaining sucrose in just, get this, the Eastern seaboard, and sprinkle it over the land mass of Uganda, Paraguay and their sister-triplet Hungary, we would see a 50% spike, yes, spike, in further abatement. What is stopping us? Enter the Starbucksification of America.
We stand in line to get our sips of sweet sours. Over $300 billion a year is sifted through a mercantile the size of, adjusted for inflation, Dutch Nassau. If a small fraction of that $300 billion was spent on the absolute bottom line of health education in only the bottom third poorest schools, there would be a declination. In fact, double that and it would be no more. However, we are being held back by the Bloomburgification of America. Simply put, throw on your size 42 Air Pump Jordans and follow me further.
Take a walk through any city in the lower 48, with a population under 10,000 strong and you’ll see, in frankness, the result of years and years of continual actions. If you had the GDP of Iowa alone, taxed a cumulative 3% and split into three tribunals of councilmen from the alliterative cities of the state capitals of the noncontiguous states, there would be a 19% increase in preventative measures, and not really just that, for the lowest tax bracket in the higher earning counties in Middle America. How am I the only one hearing this logic? It’s a miracle only a third of every purchase in this country is recumbent. Let’s consider, for a moment, the American Idolatry of America.
If we’re to slim our waistlines, we first need to shut the door on massive government subsidies to the nineteen growth markets including metallic non-conductories, binary compounds and generic foundries (the other six would get me locked up in bourgeois gestapo-sponsored Guatanamalistic sanctions). Can we really let the Obamanomics of our nation continue?
And that’s the Second Thought. ♦