by Danny Cohen
Burger Land, your favorite international fast food and theme park brand, has been feeding the world ever since Spence Waterduck opened up “Spence’s Spuds & Patties” back in Buena Park, CA in 1950. They’re the single largest purchaser of food worldwide, which has allowed us to maintain the highest level of control and quality. And now Burger Land is taking it a step further by reinventing food to bring you the best meal yet.
Starting in 2015, all North American Burger Land locations, including the Burgerland and Burgerland World theme parks, will be serving their delicious fries with potatoes that come out of the ground as fries. That’s right, the potatoes have been engineered to grow as single quarter-inch rectangles ready for frying. It’s better for everyone. Burger Land will save on shipping, by being able to pack more fries into a container, which is better for the environment. And no more frivolous lawsuits from their Potato Slicing Factories in Calgary. But they’re not stopping at fries!
Burger Land has been working with farmers in the heartland of America and shadow food researchers in Vitsebsk Voblast (that’s in Belarus), to hatch chickens that, when fully grown, will be made up of more than 100 chicken nugget-shaped muscles. No more worries of “what’s in these things?” Burger Land promises that each one of these nuggets are 100% pure white muscular meat. Makes you feel better already, right?
And, finally, no trip to one of the thousands of Burger Land restaurant and four Burgerland Parks is complete without one of those classic Super Thick Milkshakes. So the smarty pants at Burger Land HQ, along with the gentle eye-patched folks at Fire Portal Laboratories in Vitsebsk Voblast (that’s in Belarus), have some special cows where the milk is a milkshake! The result is the freshest, tastiest and thickest milkshake you’ve ever had. And, yeah, the cows are kept in a freezer, they’re alive, and they love it.
I can’t wait for these amazing changes to be fast tracked by the FDA and available at my local Burger Land. In fact, I’m getting in line right now. See ya there!
There are over 30,000 Burger Land Restaurants in over 100 countries in addition to the Burgerland World theme parks in Orlando, Shanghai, Dubai and Buena Park, CA. That means you’re never far from a tasty Burger Land Quad-Eighth Pounder or a tube of a Regal Golden Fries.