Bureau of Telegraphony
by Farley Elliott
Gentlemen, I am sure you have had countless submissions for the “Minutiæ Dream Makeover First Lady of the United States Contesnt,” but I would like to throw my sunhat in the ring. At little about myself: I am the First Lady of the United States, a staunch social activist, and keep my teeth to a high shine with silver polish. Thank you for your consideration.
First Lady of the United States.
The White House
Santa, I wish for only one thing this Chrystmastime: a new rocking horse and perhaps two pieces of hard candy. I ever so wish for this to be my grandest Chrystmastime in all of the times I have ever had a time of present reception.
Bruised Kneed Child
Gentlemen, I am writing in response to your article “The Magicians of Kittyhawk,” where you praise those devilish Wright brothers. Let me be the first to say that everyone in our town knowns these boys are meddling with the Devil’s powers. There is only one man that ought to fly and that is Jesus (Christ).
Gentlemen, I think Minutiæ should report on the ongoing struggles in Rwanda between the Hutu and Tutsi. Make sure to include an opening paragraph and at least three primary sources.
7th Grade, St. Louis, MO
Gentlemen, I have the activation codes for the Crutchfield Device. I plan to release the toxin on the opening day of the Panama Canal, marring relationships amongst the Americas. Do not doubt my power.
Acid Face Victim
Deep Underground, Borneo
Gentlemen, Once again I have the activation codes for the Crutchfield Device. It’s a little dusty, but can still release a nasty toxin. I plan on releasing it on the opening day of the Gateway Arch, further marring relationships between St. Louis and East St. Louis. Do not doubt my somewhat diminished power.
Acid Face Victim
Aboveground Greensfield Retirement Community, Flagstaff
Gentelmen, Falcon Bravo Yukon Rebar Simplebutt Klinky Falcon Falcon Falcon Mister Misty Mysterious Reymisteriojr
Sergeant Stephen Slaga
United States Airforce