Bureau of Telegraphony


Gen­tle­men, I am sure you have had count­less sub­mis­sions for the “Minu­tiæ Dream Makeover First Lady of the Unit­ed States Con­tes­nt,” but I would like to throw my sun­hat in the ring. At lit­tle about myself: I am the First Lady of the Unit­ed States, a staunch social activist, and keep my teeth to a high shine with sil­ver pol­ish. Thank you for your consideration.

Eleanor Roo­sevelt
First Lady of the Unit­ed States.
The White House

San­ta, I wish for only one thing this Chryst­mas­time: a new rock­ing horse and per­haps two pieces of hard can­dy. I ever so wish for this to be my grand­est Chryst­mas­time in all of the times I have ever had a time of present reception.

Ned Kel­ly
Bruised Kneed Child
Vic­to­ria, Australia

Gen­tle­men, I am writ­ing in response to your arti­cle “The Magi­cians of Kit­ty­hawk,” where you praise those dev­il­ish Wright broth­ers. Let me be the first to say that every­one in our town knowns these boys are med­dling with the Dev­il’s pow­ers. There is only one man that ought to fly and that is Jesus (Christ).

Bedelia Grant
Kit­ty­hawk, SC

Gen­tle­men, I think Minu­tiæ should report on the ongo­ing strug­gles in Rwan­da between the Hutu and Tut­si. Make sure to include an open­ing para­graph and at least three pri­ma­ry sources.

Moe Sanders
7th Grade, St. Louis, MO

Gen­tle­men, I have the acti­va­tion codes for the Crutch­field Device. I plan to release the tox­in on the open­ing day of the Pana­ma Canal, mar­ring rela­tion­ships amongst the Amer­i­c­as. Do not doubt my power.

Dr. Orcus
Acid Face Victim
Deep Under­ground, Borneo

Gen­tle­men, Once again I have the acti­va­tion codes for the Crutch­field Device. It’s a lit­tle dusty, but can still release a nasty tox­in. I plan on releas­ing it on the open­ing day of the Gate­way Arch, fur­ther mar­ring rela­tion­ships between St. Louis and East St. Louis. Do not doubt my some­what dimin­ished power.

Dr. Orcus
Acid Face Victim
Above­ground Greens­field Retire­ment Com­mu­ni­ty, Flagstaff

Gen­tel­men, Fal­con Bra­vo Yukon Rebar Sim­ple­butt Klinky Fal­con Fal­con Fal­con Mis­ter Misty Mys­te­ri­ous Reymisteriojr

Sergeant Stephen Slaga
First Brigade
Unit­ed States Airforce