Contributors — Reconciliation


Bill Thes­da (“No Thank You,” p. 31) is the author of three books on World War I and was briefly mar­ried to Joe DiMaggio.

Jack Stra­ton (“I Just Called To Say I Mugged You,” p. 40) is a staff writer and, in his spare time, a sculp­tor of small stat­ues. He’s able to make them tiny because he has adorable baby fingers.

Janet Wong (“A Bil­lion Dol­lars a Day,” p. 68) has nev­er been kissed. I mean, she’s been kissed. Just not real­ly kissed. You know, with tongue.

Steve John­son (“Loli­ta, pages 8 — 23,” p. 94), a staff writer since 2004, com­plete­ly for­got he had an arti­cle due so he sent in a chap­ter from the book he was cur­rent­ly reading.

Gail Har­ri­son (“Afe Ttatag Bbbi­i­ita,” p. 40) is the fastest typer on staff.

Leon Parks (“The Hat In The Cat,” p. 42) is the only per­son to “win” the Pres­i­den­tial Fit­ness Chal­lenge and won’t let the office, or his fat son, for­get it.

Diane Charles (“Suck­er Punch,” p. 47) is a long­time con­trib­u­tor to the New York­er, or at least what she thinks is the New York­er. Shhhhhh…

Ben Krantz (“Log Cab­in Styles,” p. 46) is the author of over six­teen dif­fer­ent books. He has nine­teen dogs, and one son who real­ly looks like a daugh­ter. We all saw Bul­ly, but come on…

Wan­da LaRose (“New Restau­rants,” p. 33) is one of the preëminent food writ­ers in the coun­try. She achieved this by eat­ing all of the oth­er food writ­ers and absorb­ing their pow­er, High­lander style.

Mandy Mon­roe (“Back­yard Snooze,” p. 52) is the third best look­ing woman in the office accord­ing to an infor­mal, non-sci­en­tif­ic sur­vey of oth­er peo­ple in the office. She was num­ber two until she got in that car accident.

Ger­ry Con­nor (“Can I Just Say Juan Thing?,” p. 61) was a senior writer at this mag­a­zine until he was recent­ly fired. Specif­i­cal­ly, he found out he was fired by read­ing this blurb just now. Secu­ri­ty, show Mr. Con­nor to the door. It’s called ‘kar­ma’, you racist bastard.

Old Dusty (“These Pants Are Loose,” p. 70) is eas­i­ly the wis­est, most beloved writer on staff. He’s the one we all go to for advice. Oh, Old Dusty, what would we do with­out you and your neck­lace of snakes?

Rick Stubbens (“One More Song,” p. 63) is the author of the book “Writ­ing Great One Sen­tence Bios for Mag­a­zine Con­trib­u­tors Lists,” which is now out in paperback.

Uncle Cliff (“Trea­tise on Com­fy Blan­kets” p. 78) said he only need­ed a place to stay for a cou­ple nights, but that was six months ago. Some­one needs to talk to him and see what’s up. Word of warn­ing: Dude was an ECW wrestler.



Ed. Note: The above arti­cles only appear behind the Minu­tiæ pay­wall. Please drop a fifty dol­lar bill into the mag­a­zine and stick it in a mail box. Allow 4 — 6 weeks for processing.